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sometimes i'm old enough to keep routines,
sometimes i'm child enough to scream...
Recent Entries 
27th-Jan-2005 02:12 pm(no subject)
i want romance.
19th-Jan-2005 05:56 pm(no subject)
it's official...

i fucking hate snow.
i can't stop listening to this song...
its so amazing!

i want to see the early november, the starting line, and fucking northstar in jersey so bad.
but i think the tickets are sold out.
just my luck...

however, i am going to see senses fail on thursday...

so hopefully this will happen again...

Do you think that we could be the kind that take everything (for granted)
Aware of what we say
We know we make the same mistakes
The ones that really brought us here
Now don't you think that we would change
We always make the same mistakes
The ones that win
They run this way...

I'm finally at the place I'm staying
I finally have a place to call my own
I'm trying not to lose my reasons
I'm planning to remember all i know
You know if I lose my fear, it comes back
I hope he knows I tried
I tried...
I tried...
I tried...
I tried
6th-Dec-2004 07:17 pm(no subject)
i've been acting strange lately.
and i can safely say that
it's the stress.

ever love something so much you never want to let it go?
i do.

edit: i love that face... i know how he feels.
16th-Nov-2004 08:37 am(no subject)
so my birthday is in eight days and i'm not really that excited.
except for the fact that i can buy alcohol.

actually, i'm more depressed about it than anything.
and not because i'm getting older, i don't really mind it.
it's just...
i don't really have people in my life that would go out of their way to make it a good day for me.
my friends know how much i hate my birthday, but that's because i've always had bad things happen on it.
like my BEST friend ditching the party that she planned for me and that i didn't even want to have and showing up where i was after six hours with her new boyfriend.
and getting ditched how many times?
and being broken up with the day before my birthday.
or my boyfriend and my best friend in 8th grade MAKING OUT with eachother at my party.
ooooor how my parents always faught with eachother at my parties. that one made me feel great.
or when my mom made everyone leave my sweet sixteen after an hour.
or when i was dating brad and he spent my birthday with another girl.
and we'll throw in getting into a car accident on my nineteenth birthday in there too, just for fun.

that's not even all of it.
i don't like my birthday because it never seems to turn out good.
i've always had to BEG my mother to let me have like 5 people over and a cake.
so it always made me feel like it's a hassle.
and i don't have the kind of friends that would ever throw me a party, because well... most of them only care about themselves.

i just wish i'd have a really good birthday this year.
and that people would even TRY to make it special for me.
but usually my family forgets.
and nobody else really gives a shit.

so this year on my birthday, i'm getting my license renewed because i have to.
then hitting the liquor store and getting drunk off my ass by myself.
because i can.
11th-Nov-2004 09:34 am(no subject)
one year and six months...
there is nothing better than this.

i've felt love for guys.
but not like this.
i've said i loved a few that i have dated before, but none of it ever felt the way this does.
none of them would do the things that he does for me.
i think when i said "i love you" back then, it was geared more towards a friendship kind of love.
but now, it's so much more than that.
granted he is my best friend.
but he's everything.

i love you matthew bryn woodruff.
2nd-Nov-2004 11:28 am(no subject)
i stole this from sean, because i'm in the computer lab and have lots of time before my next class...

//10 bands you've been listening a lot to lately: in no order.
1) saves the day
2) coheed and cambria
3) brazil
4) underoath
5) death cab for cutie
6) the get up kids
7) snow patrol
8) running from dharma
9) the cure
10) the early november

//09 things you look forward to:
2) the weekend (as always)
3) turning twenty one
4) thanksgiving
5) having more money
6) paying of my camera
7) christmas
8) seeing matt (that's every day)
9) spending more time with my friends now that i'm living at home again

//8 things you like to wear:
1) hoodies
2) fuzzy sweat pants
3) ae pajama pants
4) my blue zig zag chuck taylors
5) scarves
6) glittens
7) beanies
8) matt's clothes

//07 things that annoy you:
1) many people
2) uneducated voters
3) certain family members
4) homework
5) all of the work that is due this month
6) not being able to find a cool job

//06 things you say most days:
1) yeah
2) shut up
3) maaaaaaaaaffew
4) haha
5) i'm tired
6) but...

//05 things you do everyday:
1) talk to/see maffew
2) listen to music
3) sit in front of my computer
4) sleep
5) get dressed

//04 people you want to spend more time with:
1) matt
2) lena
3) tim
4) joel-e-ooo

//03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1) donnie darko
2) dangerous lives of altar boys
3) mallrats

//02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1) io by brazil
2) blacking out the friction by death cab for cutie

//01 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
1) m.b.dub.

ok, so that took about eight minutes to do.
i'm still bored.

i can not wait until i can register for classes, if i get the schedule i want, i'll be extatic.

i'm going home and voting today.
i'm intimidated by the voting machine.
i've never done it before.
some days i feel like i can't please anyone
(and today was one of those days).
28th-Sep-2004 01:08 am - i relate to this song so well...
Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one, no one like you
You are my only, my only one
My only one
My only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

i don't know... things have been so crazy lately.
i feel like i've been living someone else's life.
because there's things in my life that came out of nowhere.
and i didn't think that anything like this would ever happen.
but it's kind of shaken my whole world up.
and i feel like i've got to keep on my toes.
because something big, bad, and too messy for me to handle is going to come.

i hate the fall... this is the time when things always go wrong...
10th-Sep-2004 11:40 am(no subject)
yestderday after class i went to see garden state.
by myself.
it was as good as i expected it to be, maybe more.
the whole part about your home not feeling like your home anymore when you move away... it hit me.
i feel like that.
and i don't like it one bit.

the movie had some pretty good previews.
i <3 huckabees looked pretty good...
the cast is awesome, and jason schwartzman is such a good actor.

i still do not have the internet in my apartment.
verizon is screwing me over with a phone line.
although i would love high speed interenet, 56k is what i'll be stuck with.
but at least it's connection to the world again.

the roomies, shaun, and i drank a little lastnight.
shaun made holly spit out her drink all over the place.
"fruit salad in a cup"... you just had to be there i guess...
having 21 year old roommates is a bonus, if i do say so myself.

i miss matthew.
i can't wait until 2:30, then i'll get to see him, finally.
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